Issue #1: VAI's WHY and the rise of MadVlad

Every good anti-hero needs an origin story. This is mine. Not mine. Ours

Hello!

……

HELLOOOOOOOOOO!

(Aside) - Is this thing even on? 

-Yes, it’s on. You idiot, this is a newsletter, not a live event. They can’t reply in real time. Just go ahead.

Ahem. This is VAI. Vlad Adrian Iancu. And this is my story: B00ls. 

I could start you off with the hows and the whys. But this is my show and I call the shots. So I’m gonna start the story with a story. The storyception, if you will. 

The following passage is real. However, I did dramatically enhance it. So… it’s not exactly real. It’s not fiction, either. Let’s just say it’s real fiction. Or… fictional reality? 

Fiction, heavily inspired by reality, to the point I would say it’s real, but I can’t really say it’s real, because someone would sue me, but it did happen. And I also like to exaggerate. So… it is what it is: 

A Rather Wet Dialogue - reality inspired fiction: 

“We need to talk. It’s been two days, and I’m leaving in two hours.”

“Just after my nap,” she said while climbing the stairs to her house. 

“It won’t take long.” I knew that was a lie, as soon as I said it; she probably knew it too…

“OK, let me take my little one inside and tie up the dog.”

I sat down comfortably in the green armchair (my favourite colour), figuring that would somehow help my chances, and I started to plead: “It’s about our business — it’s very important — and I want to help!” 

“You’re already helping. What’s this about?”

“You know how you wanted me to write in your style and make your community interact with our e-mails? I’ve done exactly that. The feedback you received is great. Heck, it’s better than great! Still, when I asked you about results, you said we haven’t started selling, so there are no results.”

“Ah, I thought you mean results as in… ‘money’.” 

“I never promised you sales.” Some wrinkles around my mouth were already showing. “Just an engaged community and great writing. Sales will come, too.”

“I know. We’re good. Anything else?”

“A piece of advice: one link to a specific service is quite enough in an e-mail. And we could put it at the end. Not when I’m just starting the story.”

“Vlad, these people are busy. They won’t read the story. We have to hit them with the link as soon and as often as possible”

Then why the fuck did you hire me, I wanted to say. I didn’t.

“OK… We’ll put the link at the beginning. But only once. More than once doesn’t make any sense, and it seems spammy.”

She seemed to agree. 

“There’s just one more thing.” This was the big one, so I had to play my cards just right. As soon as I opened my mouth, I knew the words were wrong: “I believe in what we’re doing here, and I want to help, but I’m not comfortable with—”

“You’re not comfortable with what exactly?” She squinted. She knew. Fuck. 

“I’m not comfortable fumbling the numbers. We’re creating fake scarcity. And you told me we’re flat out lying with some stuff. Let’s do this the right way, or I’m out.”

“There’s no other way to” — tears forming in the corners of her eyes — “sell. I tried, Vlad, I really did. It keeps me up at night, but I want a better world for my kids. This is the way to do it. People need this, and it does not matter if we’re lying to them. And, at the end of the day, I need to survive. If you can’t see that, we can’t work together.” 

After 15 teary minutes, I finally said, “Then I’m out.”

(end scene)

And… that was it. I was out. I won’t name names because it’s confidentiality clause material. But it was big, and I liked it, and it paid the bills. But it haunted the soul.

I wanted to make a big deal out of it. But, being a big boy means you have to pick your battles. You have to know when to fold, and when to double down. And, after speaking to a lawyer, I decided this battle could not be won. It would just be a Pyrrhic victory. 

- By the way, dudes and dudettes, this show is not a TickTock, so you might need to read it with a dictionary or Wikipedia page open, close by. 

(see how they pounce on that “Unsubscribe” button)

But… something happened to me. In the recesses of my mind, there was unrest. Civil disobedience. A new reactionary wing was forming. While I was sleeping, they were toiling. My unconscious mind was very unhappy with my decision. My spirit could not handle the fact that I folded. 

So my consciousness suffered a split. VAI was clearly not enough. He had the wits, he had the knowledge. But he didn’t have the balls. Some witty comments and calling out various cunts. Not enough. The world needed a new hope. We needed someone who could take the fight to them. I pulled a Jekyll. 

And so… a new anti-hero was born. MadVlad. 

Anti-hero, because he’s not nice. He’s the best there is at what he does, but what he does isn’t very nice. It’s not civil. It’s not culturally appropriate. It’s downright aggressive, come to think of it. But it is necessary. 

Telling the truth. Even when you’re wrong. Even when it hurts. Even when it’s not sexy. 

This is what B00ls is about. MadVlad’s taking over and telling the truth when I can’t. He’s the hero we need right now, even though we don’t deserve him. 

The manifesto 

If you’re already familiar with my profile on LinkedIn, you know how I do stuff. 

I ONLY do ETHICAL writing. That means:

- No pain point massacre. Yes, I will use the potential client’s pain points to explain the problem. No, I won’t deliberately make potential clients feel like shit. There’s a big difference between:

A. Your life will be better with this product. Have a go!

B. Your life sucks without this product. Buy or be perpetually unhappy!

- No FOMO. I don’t want people to buy or do anything else out of fear. They will join your business and/or buy because they genuinely like you/your product/service;

- No fake scarcity. I won’t fumble with the numbers to make you look better. If there is scarcity to be used, it has to be real. 

But… why though? 

The reason is simple. I hope we’re not fucking animals. I want a better class of client. One who understands marketing IS NOT about being dicks to each other. It’s not about hooks, attention span and selling at all cost. 

It’s about humanity. Actually helping people. Shaping culture and creating something that matters. If that’s not you, go ahead and leave. 

Marketing works best when it’s not me versus you. Do I have to hook you so you spend your money? No. Not for me, friend. 

Marketing works best when it’s me and you. Same goes for writing, by the way. When the ME in you sees the YOU in me. When we care about the same stuff and we resonate. That’s the real deal. 

The rest is just cheap hacks and stunts. 

However, my view on the matter is not very popular. It’s better, they say, to just fool people. To decide in their place. To think you know better and you’re helping the peasants. People are not stupid. 

Humanity is stupid. Individuals are not. 

This is where I draw the line. No more Mr.Nice guy. It’s time we fight fire with fire. VAI is MadVlad. 

By all means… NOT

If there’s one question I want you to take away from this issue, that would be: 

DO ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS? 

Do we need to fool people into buying? Do we need to act like we know better than them? 

This is what I wanted to say to the person from my story:

- It’s not that ethical marketing is impossible. It’s you who can’t do it. It’s you who has to resort to shady tactics and act like you need to fool people into buying under the false pretence that they don’t know any better. 

Yes, I’m privileged enough to be able to take this stance. Of no compromise on the values I hold dear. Compromising, especially when you do it for A GOOD CAUSE (trademark of genocidal maniacs and psychopaths) is the most dangerous thing you can do. 

A house/business built on a foundation of lies will crumble, no matter how many people it shelters. Because it’s a slippery slope, and you won’t know when to stop compromising. 

It will wear you and your soul down. 

Going forward

Woah, that was quite the ride. I know I felt it. I don’t know if that’s what you were expecting. Had to get it out of my system anyway. 

Next time, join MadVlad as he takes on…

Issue #2: The dreaded Storyseller 

Because best friends and best intentions create monsters. 

In the meantime, if you liked my stuff, this is how we can work together: 

- Nah, not yet. Let them warm up to you. If they want any writing/marketing services and advice, you’re just an e-mail away. 

That’s true, guys and girls. Hit me up. 

If this was the first, but also last time we meet: Thank you. 

I write for myself, but you reading my writing gives it additional meaning. I literally could not resonate without you. 

I paraphrased Jay Acunzo a bit. Check him out, even if you didn’t like my comic. 

Peace.