Issue #11 - 1 + 1 Makes for a Boring Brand
Tabula Rasa: The top ways you’re screwing yourself
I’m writing the first part of this newsletter from a restaurant. I hate writing from restaurants. I’m a rather tall guy with a big ass. Most chairs don’t agree with me. So now, I have to contend with back pain, an incredibly uncomfortable position, the smell of food, and noise coming from sad corporate types who moan about their overlords forcing them back to the office.
The perfect background for trying new things. If you’ve being reading my stuff for a while now, you already know I hate trying out new things. But that’s the spice of life, right?
Right…
So, just for today, I’m going religious. Kinda weird since I’m actually working on a Sunday, but roll with it.
No, I’m not mental. Not more than I usually am. Allow me to explain:
Most businesses are 1+1 kinds of deals. Meaning, they thrive on the assumption that 1+1 always equals 2. Problem is, that’s why they stay a regular business.
If 1+1 equalled… let’s say 11… well, that would put a whole new spin on things, wouldn’t it?
Just for today, imagine you didn’t jump on the obvious answer, which is 2, and instead went for 11.
And, just for today, imagine you did things differently than everybody else. The results should be, by definition, different from the results everybody else is getting.
But, since I’m not all knowing, I can’t tell you what to do. I don’t know you, or your business. At least not yet – shameless plug about my consultancy, anyone?
Lucky for you, I know enough about business that I can tell you WHAT NOT TO DO. The 11 commandments of what not to do in business, to be more precise.
But first, some etymology.
Tabula rasa and tablets
Tabula rasa, from Latin, means empty slate. Or, empty… tablet?
Before I present you with my personal version of the business tablets of Marketing (these tablets have 11 commandments instead of 10, suck it, Moses) I want to ask you a very important question. So, writers and marketers here, listen up. And shoot me a response if you please.
The question is this:
Would you rather work with a business/founder who is tabula rasa, as in they haven’t done anything for marketing, writing, social media, branding and so on, or would you rather work with somebody who’s been around the block (they did try something either by themselves or with other specialists)?
And I’ll go first:
The VAI answer: I’d rather work with tabula rasa people. They haven’t done any irreparable damage to their brand yet, so they are redeemable. The saying that “bad publicity is still publicity” is wrong. Public opinion is hard to sway, especially if you’re targeting the upper echelons. So I’d rather start fresh, with a new perspective and no original sins. A brand can be healed, but the memory of a blunder doesn’t go away.
The MadVlad answer: I’d rather work with people who’ve been burned before by the stinky, sulfurous devils of marketing. These people know what they want, they can spot an idiot marketer, and they are now willing to pay more for a decent approach and specialized skills. They listen to me and are not control freaks. They’ve tested the murky waters of FOMO and fake scarcity and want to be ethical.
At the end of the day, there are pros and cons for both options. Really interested in your perspective. My inbox awaits.
In the meantime, these are VAI/MadVlad’s 11 commandments for founders/marketers/writers who don’t want to screw themselves and their own businesses.
And people for whom 1+1 sometimes equals 11, not 2.
Commandment 1: Thou shalt not work with the “wrong people”
It’s easy to define the “wrong people”. It’s usually people with whom you don’t share the same values. Or people who have a tendency to always negotiate your prices.
People who haggle don’t understand the value of a service, only the price. Avoid at all costs.
But, more to the point: work with people who walk the walk, not only talk the talk.
Let’s say you want to create a personal brand on LinkedIn. And you have two choices of specialists:
A. Has lots of followers, known on the market. Posts rarely, has very few likes and comments. Has a strategy based on what works, not on what makes the client special.
B. Has a lot less followers than A, almost unknown on the market. Posts regularly, has a good likes to follower ratio and gets comments, usually smart. Has a strategy based on the client’s strong points, not trends and what is perceived as effective.
A usually talks about results. B usually talks about a method and a mindset.
I’m not gonna say one is better than the other. But, depending on the results you want, one is definitely “wrong” and one is “right”.
So, would you like to work with a LinkedIn boss, or someone who is a great professional, but is shit at LinkedIn because they don’t like it or think it’s not important?
Point being, don’t believe someone can do something. Actually ask for proof.
Commandment 2: Thou shalt not regard any feedback as “wrong”
Listen to me now, and listen well. There is no such thing as “bad feedback”. Even feedback you get from people who have no idea about your business is great feedback.
I’ve been arguing about this since the dawn of time, and I’ll continue to do so. Allow me to exemplify.
Situation 1:
I recently posted about my client form. A coach who follows me asked if he can share some feedback on it. By the way, pro tip, always ask people if they are willing to receive feedback. I said yes.
And he wrote to me something to the tune of:
“I understand your style and positioning, but if I may be so bold as to say this, it looks like you’re still searching for who you are. You risk alienating bigger clients (corporate) by being too direct, friendly or arrogant. It’s good if you’d rather work with smaller clients, but if you ever want bigger fish, I’d tone it down. I want to see more B2B communication, less personal stuff.”
I kinda got a little angry reading this. After taking 5, I realized this was the best feedback ever. This person, who had been following my writing for a while, had just confirmed that my disqualification process was ACES.
Yes, I never want to work with stiff corporate types, and I’m doing a great job of keeping them at bay. Mission accomplished.
Situation 2:
I read a post online from someone who was bemoaning people who get into her DMs and tell her she’s not right about X,Y and Z. Angered, she’d say something like this:
“You’re not my ideal client, so your opinion is irrelevant”
I mean… I’d also tell people to fuck off if they got on my nerves, but feedback like that is, again, a great indicator you’re doing something right. If your non-ideal-client is repelled by what you’re saying, chances are that your ideal client will actually find you refreshing and right on the money.
So, don’t take criticism personally. Just reframe it: they are actually telling me I’m doing a great job of disqualifying them.
Whenever people who think I’m wrong, tell me I’m wrong… I lean into it and disqualify harder. Try it.
Commandment 3: Thou shalt not deny getting help from people smarter than you
Since we’re on the topic of feedback, I have to mention this. A couple of days ago, one of the regular readers of this newsletter (hello A.S.) wrote to me about some feedback.
Again, cool people ask before just dumping feedback on you. As an editor, she had identified some errors in my text. And she was kind enough to point them out.
Sure, I could have gone the ego route and say I don’t need her help. Most writers who just start out have what I like to call “deflatable ego” – you critique their work once and their self-confidence just fizzles out…
I used to be one of those people, so I know. As someone who at least tries to fix his imposter syndrome, I accepted her offer, implemented the feedback that suited me, thanked her and went on my merry way.
Always be open to learn from each and every person around you. Never assume you know best.
Commandment 4: Thou shalt not do “whatever works”
If there’s something that irks me six ways to Sunday, that’s people who advertise themselves by using what “works” instead of their actual skill. Best example?
Writers who design carousels like their lives depend on it. While I do know plenty of talented caruselists (made up word), most writers ABSOLUTELY SUCK at making carousels. They just do it because those are popular and have better reach.
But, by doing a carousel instead of actually writing, you’re telling me one thing and one thing only:
I SUCK AT WRITING, SO I HAVE TO USE THIS GIMMICK TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
So… would you hire this person to write? Probably not. Maybe for carousel design, but not writing.
Same goes for all other businesses out there. Advertise based on what you do, not a random trend. Thank me later.
Commandment 5: Thou shalt not work with the recommendations of bad clients
Hey, we’ve all had one, two… or a dozen bad clients. They’re bound to happen, even to the best of us. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, this would be it:
“Birds of a feather flock together” - sure, there are exceptions, but not many.
So, if a client negotiated your price, was making you lose your hair or go grey prematurely by being an absolute prick, wasn’t paying on time, or was just obnoxious by default, any recommendation that comes from him/her…
Has a 9 out of 10 chance of being exactly the same.
So, if you worked with an idiot, the worst thing you can do to yourself is take on one of his friends. Unless you’re a masochist, of course.
Commandment 6: Thou shalt not have a “sales slave” approach
This is going to rub most people the wrong way, but it needs to be said:
No matter how much you need your client’s money, do not turn into his bit… doormat.
Your client is not your master. He’s not even your boss. He’s just a person with whom you exchange services for money.
That’s it.
That’s all it has to be. You don’t have to bend over backwards for him/her. So keep it casual.
If you want to go the extra mile, do it because YOU want to. But never act the slave with your client because… that’s what you will become.
I usually do everything under the Sun to convince a potential client NOT TO WORK WITH ME.
But that’s a story for the next issue. Make sure to tune in.
Commandment 7: Thou shalt not try to save money on important stuff
Look, I work pretty closely with business owners and I understand money is tight. As a business owner who’s been making the bare minimum until he got a roster full of clients, I understand the need for profit.
But, as a business owner, I know NOT to skimp on the important stuff like:
That Zoom subscription, so I’m not kicked out of a 1-hour meeting after 40 minutes
That coffee with a new client, because meeting live is part of my offer
A second monitor, because my carpel tunnel would flare up from all the Alt-Tab between my copy and the brief.
It’s usually the small stuff that kills you, not the big expenses, trust me.
Case in point: one of my… associates, had a live interview on a social media platform. She needed a ring light and a tripod. I knew the best store for this (back in my corporate days I’d procure my own equipment) so I took her there.
“Nah, it’s too expensive, I don’t need professional equipment.”
OK, suit yourself.
She ended up in the same store, buying the same thing. But she wasted time and money visiting other stores that had poorer equipment and “better” prices.
So, yeah, don’t save money on the important stuff, because you’re only setting yourself up for more expenses. And looking like a dummy.
Commandment 8: Thou shalt not fight specialists on stuff you don’t understand
“What, 12 posts a month? I don’t need that many!” - random clients who think my job is selling chives at the farmer’s market, not ghostwriting on LinkedIn.
These are the clients with whom I know there’s no second chance. Look, there’s only one expert here, and you’re not him/her.
If you come to me for help, trust my opinion. Trust my expertise. Trust me to be better than you on this.
Trust that if I post five days a week, it’s because I tried this approach and know it works.
If you go to the doctor, do you want a second opinion after you diagnosed yourself on Google, or do you actually go for a diagnosis?
Yeah, I thought the same.
If you have a business, learn to delegate. And if you do delegate, place more stock in the opinion of the specialist, not your own.
Commandment 9: Thou shalt not ghost people, you wanker
There’s a 10th circle in Dante’s Hell, and I’m sure it’s reserved for the scummiest of the scum: ghosters.
I’ve been ghosted romantically, and I’ve been ghosted professionally, and I know both absolutely suck.
Romantically, because you’ve invested time, money and actual interest in that date.
Professionally, because you’ve invested time, money (because in that time you could have worked), and interest in that gig.
So, if you have a business, and you contact another professional for a service, and that professional sends you a personalized offer, you can be sure of several things:
He took the time to get to know you
Personalizing the offer also took a lot of time
If he sent the offer, he’s interested
The least you can do is respond with a YES/NO. You don’t even have to explain yourself. And if you don’t have the fucking human decency to reply within the given time, at least tell him that you’re sorry you’ve forgotten about him, when he inevitably contacts you to chek if you’re still alive, or just a dick.
Because service providers and freelancers in general live and thrive in communities and they talk amongst themsleves. And you’ll pretty soon end up with a reputation.
Don’t be surprised when you can no longer find people who are willing to work with you.
Commandment 10: Thou shalt not be an attention whore, no matter your gender
Social media has this nasty habit of tricking you into thinking that all attention is equal. And let me tell you – it isn’t.
If you’re not getting the attention of your ideal client, your supporters or people close to one of those categories, you’re getting empty attention. Attention you can’t convert into money.
So, instead of trying tricks, tips, stunts and other hollow ways of getting attention, do what matters. For you and your followers.
ATTENTION, I’M ABOUT TO BE VERRRRRRRY UNPOPULAR:
LinkedIn, for one, is full of women who moan about it NOT BEING a dating platform, while uploading the eight post of the week containing a selfie with a tank top and no bra (definitely not attention seeking).
And yeah, you could brand me an anti-feminist. I’m not. I’m just a realist. The human body in a rather naked form will always attract attention. Sometimes, the wrong type of attention. Is this thing pleasant or correct? Absolutely not.
Are men pigs for DM-ing women who post titillating content. Yes.
Are the women wrong for exploiting said content. Also yes.
They are wrong because they know they’ll attract the wrong kind of attention and still do it. You can’t put on a sheep skin and then cry wolf. I mean, you can… but that’s just stupid. Popularity is not the same as relevancy.
And if you still think I’m wrong, listen to this:
I advised my GF not to go out in a tank top and no bra without me. Feminists reading this have just caught on fire, I’m sure.
Did I do that to suppress her womanhood? No. I did it because I knew she’d draw the wrong kind of attention.
And, just as expected, she got cat called.
Was it her fault? NO.
Should she always wear a bra and a shirt? Also, NO.
But sadly, just wishing for more educated men… ain’t gonna cut it.
So, learn to live in the real world, not a fantasy of what you want the real world to look like.
If I ever have a daughter, I’ll do the same thing – advise her to dress conservatively, depending on context. I’ll tell her that it’s absolutely not her fault if someone does something wrong to her. However, how about we lower the chances a bit?
Since people are animals – and we are – it’s better to not be dressed-up as a bone if dogs are running around.
Chemical castration, anyone?
Ah, unpopular. Me so sad.
Commandment 11: Thou shalt not use any other types of tricks to stand out
Don’t give out free stuff like it’s candy. It hurts positioning. Anyone who signs up because you gave them something free will expect more of the same.
So don’t do free stuff if you’re not a charity or you don’t want to be a volunteer. No free calls, no lead magnets, no free consultations, no free nothing.
It’s your time, and you’re worth it.
Alternatively, don’t bullshit people into thinking you’re more busy than you are. Fake scarcity is the shittiest marketing ploy since they told women that they ABSOLUTELY HAVE to shave their armpits. Just to sell more razors.
And there you have it. Just obey these 11 nicely laid out commandments, and you’ll be growing by leaps and bounds, as opposed to your competition.
You’re welcome. Keep your faith and share the good word.
Going forward
I think this is the first time I’m focusing more on practical, lived advice, rather than philosophy. Not bad, not bad at all. It’s also the first time I write on a weekend. Depending on client tasks, I might just do this again. Or maybe I’ll switch it up to a fortnightly newsletter. Remains to be seen. Either way,
If you loved this issue, you might be interested in
Previously, on B00ls: Issue #10 - Breaking From The Brand Platoon
Lead or Die
Next time, join MadVlad as he takes on…
Issue #12: The Snowflake Client
To Offend or not Offend, that is the question…
You can get access to the full archive here if you missed any other issue.
In the meantime
If you liked my stuff, this is how we can work together:
I write for you. Check out the Experience section on my LinkedIn
I consult marketers and founders. There’s a lot more than 11 marketing lessons I can offer you
I consult writers. There’s a lot more than 11 writing lessons I can offer you
Are you a writer/marketer/founder who wants to learn how to stop doing dumb shit?
Reply to this e-mail if you’re interested in the above.
Know somebody who’d also like that? Share my newsletter and point them in my direction. I’ll give you a beer if you’re ever in Bucharest.
Offer 1 is detailed up on LinkedIn, but I’m currently at capacity with my writing clients. However, maybe you want to see if we’re a match for future projects.
Fill up this form, and I promise I’ll get back to you with a YES/NO on working together. As per Commandment 9, I’m not a wanker myself :D.
Offers 2 and 3 are detailed up on LinkedIn. But you can also find them here:
I’m still very open for consultancy services. Just reply to this e-mail if you’re interested.
Marketing Jesus be with you. Godspeed
If this was the first, but also last time we meet: Thank you.
I write for myself, but you reading my writing gives it additional meaning. I literally could not resonate without you.