Issue #14: Jack of All Trades… and other stupid marketing bon mots

It (always) pays to consider the rest of the saying

I thought about three ways to introduce the topic of today’s newsletter. 

First, I was going to tell you a little story about the way people in the same family quarrel on the topic of how chicken should be boiled. A satirical commentary on how three generations of women now blame the new family addition for finally purchasing a bigger pot and not chopping up the chicken: “Because that’s how we’ve always done it in this family.”

Lame

Then, I wanted to open with Grandpa Hedgehog screaming like a degenerate in Ice Age 2: “I was born in this hole, and I’ll die in this hole.” Another pot shot taken at people who can’t go out of their own way, even if change really is the answer. At the end of the movie, Grandpa Hedgehog shows us just how much of a hypocrite he is, as he doesn’t want to leave the ship he didn’t want to get on in the first place, “this is my boat now.”

Cute, but also kinda lame. Also, I usually feel like Grandpa Hedgehog so… give me a break, I’m old. 

I landed on the third choice, which is ironic. Using a proverb to make fun of stupid marketing bon mots: 

THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS

Meaning, I know that those people initially meant well, but word of mouth and social media regurgitation ad infinitum turned some cool sayings into drivel. 

We’re here today to find out which is which and which is absolute crap. And you should care because you might be using these terms yourself :)

But first, a quick exercise

Jack of All Trades, Master of None

By show of hands (don’t worry, I can’t actually see you drinking your coffee in your bathrobe and shorts) how many of you know the saying Jack of All Trades, Master of None? 

My money is on quite a few people raising their hands. OK, one guy is using his to scratch his balls, but I’ll count that as a +1 anyway. 

However, how many of you know that the above is NOT THE COMPLETE saying? 

AHA!

It goes like this: Jack of All Trades, Master of None, but still better than a master of one. 

I bet the number of hands that were risen in the air has decreased. Well, that’s the problem. Marketing gurus and marketing writers have been doing the same thing: taking only the part of sayings that interested them, and leaving the rest outside in the rain. 

That ain’t cricket. A Jack of All Trades is cool. Sure, he’s not a master of any craft, but let’s not forget he’s the person you can count on in a pinch. 

And with this wonderful display of literary pick and choosiness, we can start our list. I’ll try to keep it rather orderly, because people have surprised me with their input. 

Oh yeah, each saying will receive a score like: 

• Good, but misinterpreted

• It’s always been idiotic

• Jury’s still out

• Overused

Here goes:

The ones I hate

1. KISS or keep it simple, stupid. 

It used to mean that communication has to be as clear and as simple as possible, in order to avoid any subtext from popping up. Well, nowadays, people take it as “don’t stress their little brains, they have a short attention span”. 

No, communication should be clear, but never at the expense of cleverness. If you have to sacrifice one for the other, you’re no writer, you’re simply a word enthusiast. We’ll swiftly revoke your writer card.  (Good, but misinterpreted)

2. Write for an X grader

This one has been used, abused and left out to dry in a fucking monsoon. There’s no such thing as writing at the level of a whatever grader unless you’re actually writing for someone in middle or high school. Oh yeah, and on the rare occasions where you’re writing for EVERYBODY, though that rarely happens. 

Or if you’re writing something medical which even a shaved monkey has to be able to compute. Though, I’m sorely tempted to let natural selection take its toll on some people. (It’s always been idiotic)

3. Short is good, long is bad

Come on, it’s not even true when talking about dicks. Girth, it’s where it’s at. If it’s content we’re discussing, length has absolutely no say in the matter, except when the platform restricts users to a certain number of characters, fuck you LinkedIn. 

If the text does its job, length is not a factor. (It’s always been idiotic)

4. Quality vs Quantity

Ah, you see, I used to lap this up! “I don’t care about quantity, I care about quality”. WEEEEEEELLL now, sometimes you can’t have one without the other. And they aren’t even on the same level. 

As Jay Acunzo puts it: Quantity is practice. Quality is the goal.

Truer words have never been spoken. He actually explains it best, so whoever is interested in this one, give me a heads-up (as in reply to this e-mail) and I’ll forward Jay’s newsletter issue on the very topic. Trust me, it’s worth it. (It’s always been idiotic)

5. Copy sells

And my Grandma skates better than Tony Hawk. Sorry, but I can’t go through this again. Here’s my opinion. (It’s always been idiotic)

6. Copy sells, content educates

The big and troubled brother of “copy sells”. Looky here, punk: Writing is writing. Content can be used to market a product (I simply refuse to use the word “sell”) and copy can be used to educate. It’s all writing, after all. The fact that I call myself a copywriter and content writer is a compromise I’m willing to make for the LinkedIn algo and search patterns. But there isn’t any difference between the two. 

I used to think there was. There isn’t. (It’s always been idiotic)

7. My audience is everyone

I mean, who are you, Taylor Swift? No disrespect to Tay Tay, but come on. A marketer or writer who thinks they write for everyone is just a lazy punk who doesn’t want to do any research. Or take any risks. 

And both are as dangerous as they are uncommitted. I don’t like people who don’t follow through. We’re not all equal, and we don’t even read the same stuff. You’ve gotta have an audience. (It’s always been idiotic)

8. The riches are in the niches

There’s no merit to this apart for the fact that it rhymes. No, honestly now, it was a good idea to begin with. Specialists do eventually charge a pricier price for a service only they can provide at an exceptional level. 

The problem is twofold. Not everyone wants to specialize. I get bored easily and want to cover an array of writing services. If I niche down, I’ll eventually crave a different type of writing and will unniche. 

And not everyone can specialize. Some people have been born generalists, and they simply don’t have the chops to make it in a specific field. Sucks, but I think it’s true. 

Finally, if you niche too hard, you might find just a couple of weirdos who need your services. And a couple of weirdos do not a business make. But sure, if that weirdo is the owner of Meta, you’ve got it made. So niche if you must, but don’t make it your life’s purpose. 

So, next time an idiot (hey, Jack) tells you to pick a type of writing and stick to it, tell him to go wank himself.  (Good, but misinterpreted)

9. Meet them where they are

This one had the potential for greatness. It was witty and down to earth. It basically used to mean that you need to write, market and sell to people who were ready for your product/service. 

Now, it means that you have to debase yourself, lie, cheat and steal in order to convince everyone to buy your crap. 

I shit you not, one of my ex clients told me that HER SHAMAN (... huh) told her that she needs to meet people where they are. What did she understand by that? 

She understood that she needs to lie to them and advertise her product under false pretenses. She was their savior after all, and she had to dupe them in order to make their lives better. The fact that she was making money out of it was just a collateral, man. So yeah, she was doing every shit possible under the Sun to meet them where they were… even if they should not have been there. 

Trust me, if I ever give up marketing, I’m going to be a shaman. Easy money, 10 out of fucking 10. (Good, but misinterpreted)

10. Use the pain points

See, it used to mean that you had to talk about a specific problem in order for Joe Public to wisen up. Nowadays, it’s a pain extravaganza where marketers and writers actively try to paint a fucking train wreck of a life IF you don’t buy into some shit products/services. 

They milk that pain point with the aggression of a third monkey who’s been told only two of each animal are allowed on the Ark, and it just started to rain. 

I’m all for agitation and highlighting a specific problem, but don’t act like I have to suck your dick, or I’m not seeing tomorrow. (Good, but misinterpreted)

11.  Always write for an audience, not for yourself

To be perfectly clear, Mama Bear Shamila Iyer mentioned that she never saw this variation, but she's familiar with "Write for your audience." Or “Write for/to your audience, not at them."

Fair enough. Sure, we’re always writing to or for someone. But my personal philosophy is that you should first write for yourself, because that’s the best, fastest, most natural way to resonate. If you’ve been following this newsletter for some time now, you definitely know what I mean. 

If not, you’ve got some reading to do. Do reach out to Shamila if you require a Writing Advisor/Author Coach/Non-fiction Editor. She’s the first person on LinkedIn to call me bald to my face, so I can’t really forget her. Even if I tried :)). Love you, Fam. Sham!  (Good, but misinterpreted)

12. Write drunk, edit sober

Hello, we’re not all Bukowski or Hemingway. I did try it once just for sheer fun. I’m a mean drunk writer, but the second beer just turns me into a word slob. I guess the point was to write unencumbered and then use the critical brain to sharpen the piece. How about you write freely without any help? 

But I’m quite certain some people took it ad litteram. Like a dilettante actor who actually gets drunk on stage and ruins a performance, some writers might separate their brains into drunk and sober halves. Where’s that fucking shaman when you need him? 

I don’t buy it. (Good, but misinterpreted)

The ones other people hate

13. Storytelling is KING

With the Storyselling variation. Luca noticed that lots of people either completely miss the point of storytelling (long-winded, boring) or use it to manipulate people. 

Absofreakinglutely. I wrote a full issue on this topic here. If you’re ever in need of Website copy for purpose-driven women solopreneurs, give her a heads-up. I hear she’s a regular pleasure to work with. (Good, but misinterpreted)

14. Marketing/marketer is a bad word

Daniela (Dana) Valentina Vioreanu (seriously, too many names, girl) likes to stay away from the “marketer” term because of personal preferences. And I get it… it can mean something very shitty to some people. 

And one of my favorite pastime activities is shitting on other idiotic marketers. But I do call myself one. I think it comes down to personal choice. 

When she doesn’t repel the “Marketer” moniker, Dana helps companies clarify their brand message & stories. A content marketer (HA, HA) and consultant who juggles a lot of skills and a big fan of personal growth books. I’d work with her if you really can’t find someone with FIVE names!  (Jury’s still out)

15. Add value 

Or just Add Water and turn into a fucking mermaid, Cleo! Value has become this excuse for whatever unborn anomaly we push out the creative cunt. NO. Sometimes you don’t need to add any value, just write or market to the best of your abilities. 

If you’re always concerned with adding value, your content will end up being sushi. Tasty, but will leave you yearning for a steak afterward. Whatever you do adds value. You don’t need to add value to already added value, son. Chill. 

Luca, I already mentioned you, don’t be greedy. (Good, but misinterpreted)

16. Game changer/synergy/disruption

When everyone’s a game changer… nobody is. On the same level with “synergy” and “disruption”. Sounds good, but is ultimately meaningless when everyone uses it without anything to back it up. 

Like a tall dude without fighting capabilities. Looks good, but easily decked. Courtesy of Georgiana Duma a promoter for healthy environments in all life’s areas. Skilled leader with over 16 years of experience in managing operations and litigation approvals for Romania's largest bank. Sounds like any money problems should go her way. On top of burnout. (Overused)

17. AI is the future of marketing/writing

And I’m the future King of Denmark. A prospect that’s equally terrifying. I’ve nothing more to add here than my episode on the same. 

Was brought to my attention by Iris Vavilov, someone who hates talking about herself in the third person. Founder at AlacrITy Education and published writer. (Overused)

18. Think outside the box

What box? That’s a legit question. It used to stand for creative thinking (I hope), but is now as stiff and overused as a flannel sock in a horny teenager’s bedroom. 

Iris again. (Good, but misinterpreted)

19. SEO is dead

Ha, ha, ha, ha… but no. SEO is not dead, you just have to put your back and brain into it. What used to work for SEO is dead, that’s true. SEO in itself is very much alive and kicking. You just gotta up your game. 

Brought to us by…. Gotta paste her name: Magdaléna Kubečková. She writes simply about complex subjects (copywriter, content writer and translator). Language teacher in Czech and English. People who niche must simply hate her.  (It’s always been idiotic)

20. Less is more/Sex sells/Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

I don’t know if these are exactly marketing/writing adages, but they do sound fun, so I’ma do a quickfire round:

• Less is more. Bullshit, my newsletter is based on the more is better model, and I’m killing it. 

• Sex sells. Yes, it does, but it’s also a lame excuse to decorate social media with boobs. Sure, I love boobs, but I was surfing social media in search of some cool ideas, not wanking material! All you people who insist on parading half-naked on LinkedIn are only cementing the stock of Pornhub – I’m not buying anything from you, and neither is anybody else. But hey, you provided a great wank to some poor soul, so there’s that!

• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I agree, but that’s no reason to just peddle crap because some idiot somewhere will love it. 

The overachieving hat trick scorer is Mihai Chiratcu, change manager and transformation expert. If you’re itching for a change in your organization, he’s the cat to call. He runs a LinkedIn newsletter that you might enjoy ;). (Good, but misinterpreted)

21. The customer is king

With the implication being that marketers should be court jesters. We simply couldn’t have ended on a better note. Now, listen here, Mr. Customer, this isn’t communist Russia and you don’t hold the keys to the Gulag. This here is a collaboration. I’m not your vassal. 

The customer is king of his demands. I’m king of how the service is provided. Let’s be kings together, each with his own kingdom. If you overstep your boundaries, I’m flailing your ass. I wrote about this topic in depth here. (It’s always been idiotic)

… how stupid of me: I liked this one so much and saved it for last that I didn’t include the person who contributed it… Dumb! It came to me by way of Aleksandar Andonovski - Multilingual Copywriter. Marketing Strategist. Actor - a hobby we share! Look him up if you need the services of a multipotentialite who writes in English and French!

Sorry, Aleks… I forgot…

BONUS ROUND

“Think outside the box: encourages unconventional thinking, but it's become so common it lacks impact.

Disruptive innovation: refers to groundbreaking ideas that alter an industry, but it's often for minor improvements.

Synergy: implies working together to create a powerful effect, but it's often used vaguely without specifics.

Game-changer: signifies something revolutionary, but overuse dilutes its meaning.

A paradigm shift: describes a fundamental change in perspective, but thrown around for any minor change.

It's a win-win situation: implies everyone benefits. (but do they?)

The future of [industry]: This cliché positions a product as defining the industry's future, but there's rarely only one forerunner.

Actionable insights: refers to practical takeaways from data, but it's a vague marketing term.

Holistic approach: suggests considering all aspects of something, but it's often meaningless jargon.

Strategic partnership: This signifies a collaboration for mutual benefit, but it's become a replaceable term.

Thought leader: implies an expert shaping industry's thinking, often misused for someone with basic knowledge.

Disrupt your [industry]: This encourages challenging the status quo, but it's become inauthentic”

Brought to you by the wonderfully annoying Kate Byrd, PharmD, a Freelance Health and Medical Writer, who’s also a Pharmacist and Photographer. A very down to earth professional who’s seen it all (and almost certainly done it all). Love ya, Toots! 

For a bonus LinkedIn Round, check out George Smith’s post. It’s a firecracker! 

Going forward

I know, I’m back to writing a hell of a lot more than I should, but sue me, I love it! Especially since last issue was video :). 

Speaking about video, if you loved this issue, you might be interested in 

Previously, on B00ls: Issue #13 - Creativity for Creativity’s Sake? - part 2

A conversation about Creativity and A.I.

Next time, join MadVlad as he takes on…

Issue #15: Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Or don’t ask and get what I deem proper

You can get access to the full archive here if you missed any other issue. 

Reader feedback and involvement 

Episode 15 is going to be special because I’m asking you to be part of it. Yes, again. Here’s why: 

A couple of issues ago, I told you I’m giving away a 30 minutes free call if you reply and ask for it. One of you did, and we entertained quite a nice chat for 30 minutes. But it wasn’t at all what I had expected :)))).

I rather thought he wanted to speak about marketing strategies and writing tips, but his questions revolved around how to get clients and how I price my services. Fair enough, I gave him the whole story. 

This got me thinking. Maybe my audience really wants more of a backstage pass into my process, not only my thinking. 

SO, for episode 15, you get to ask me anything about freelancing and the way I run my business. No question is too personal. 

I figured I gotta give the people what they want, no? The person I conversed with last time can attest to the fact that when you ask me a question, I give it my all in order to provide a well-thought-out answer. 

Take it from the freelancer who's having a great year when most others are complaining about theirs. I must have done something right?... right? 

Reply to this e-mail – I’ll feature your question (anonymously, if you wish) and answer it in issue 15. 

How does that sound, eh? 

In the meantime

If you liked my stuff, this is how we can work together: 

1. I write for you. Check out the Experience section on my LinkedIn

2. I consult marketers and founders. I can show you how to see past marketing buzzwords and do real, important work. 

3. I consult writers. I can show you how to write without all those silly words. Or write with them and still resonate. 

Are you a writer/marketer/founder who wants to drop the lingo? 

Reply to this e-mail if you’re interested in the above. 

Know somebody who’d also like that? Share my newsletter and point them in my direction. I’ll give you a beer if you’re ever in Bucharest. 

Offer 1 is detailed up on LinkedIn.

Offers 2 and 3 are also detailed up on LinkedIn. But you can always find them here: 

I’m still very open for consultancy services, but the price has gone up.  Just reply to this e-mail if you’re interested. 

Here’s why the price is going up 

The price is going up because people keep telling me the value is there. And yeah… it is.

Cheers

If this was the first, but also last time we meet: Thank you. 

I write for myself, but you reading my writing gives it additional meaning. I literally could not resonate without you.