Issue #16: The Fuck You Point and How To Get There
Do you live to work or work to live?
Time is a flat circle.
Now, read that again in a gravelly, slightly Missourian, a la Matthew McConaughey accent and you’ll get:
Timeah is a fleaat sircle.
Cool, you just did a great Rustin Cohle impression. If you don’t know who Rustin Cohle is, drop everything you are doing, yes, even reading this issue of B00ls, and watch season 1 of True Detective. Seasons 2,3 and 4 are not a must. Fuck you HBO and fuck your commercials.
Ahhh, that was the good stuff.
Now, as I was saying, time is a flat circle. It means that everything that will happen has already happened. Everything that has happened, will happen again. Then, it stands to reason that, in reaching a point, you have to start in that point. Metaphysically impossible?
Not so. Let me explain:
To get to the Fuck You Point in my business, I had to start in the Fuck You Point.
And I can show you how.
The Fuck You Point inspiration
I had this idea circling in my cerebellum for quite some time. But, as it happens with most artists (yeah, I’m cocky enough to call myself one, get over it), another artist has to come in and point it out. For me, it was The Gambler. A mediocre movie by all accounts.
But this scene is the real McCoy. Gooood. Man.
John Goodman is the gold standard in this one. And whoever told Mark Wahlberg he can act, definitely believes in the Fuck You Point. See, Mark started out as an underwear model, then he went to prison, and then he had his Marky Mark stage (what the actual fuck was that?) and he’s still a world-class movie star (not an actor, but still, gotta give him props). Yes, Aleks, I’ll start watching Entourage, thank you very much.
Now, to the point: I’m not advising you to go to a mobster and get a loan.
I’m just advising you to live your life like you’re actually going to die one day. ‘Cause… you know, you absolutely will. I don’t know how many people died while I was writing this e-mail, but I can guarantee you that it’s up in the hundreds.
By sheer fucking luck, you’re not one of them.
From a business point of view, are you where you want to be? If not, why not? What if, instead of waiting to get there, you actually act like you’re there? Within reason, of course. I’m not asking you to spend like an idiot.
Simply to live like you respect yourself. That’s what the Fuck You Point is about.
If you’re tired of all the “fucks”, don’t worry, I’ll use FYP from now on.
What’s the Fuck You Point?
The FYP point happens when you can basically say “NO” to everything that doesn’t sit well with you.
Your cousin asked you to go to her wedding, but after ten years of living in the same city, the groom hasn’t met you once? Fuck you.
A client doesn’t pay you on time, but still wants his deliverables? Fuck you.
A marketer advises you to put a deadline on an offer to create fake scarcity, and you’re not into that kind of marketing? Fuck you.
I think you’re starting to get the picture.
Nobody is born in the FYP.
And you get there after you compromise. A lot.
You can’t hear that well because you’ve worked 13-hour shifts in a call center. You fuck up a relationship because you’re just too chicken shit to quit a toxic workplace. You have some red spots on your back due to stressing out for years in a shit industry and in several corporate jobs.
Wow, take a load of that guy… what a loser, right?
Right :)
Well, after some 12 years of being in that situation, I said “no more”. Financially, I’m at a point where I can really say Fuck You to anyone.
I’m going to let you in on some precious information:
If you make just a little effort, you might discover you’re also in FYP yourself. Not using it is the biggest offence against yourself.
Why is the FYP important?
Tell me honestly. Do you live to work, or do you work to live? Take your time and mull it over.
You might blurt out: Yes, I work to live.
Really? Do your actions match the statement?
Don’t worry, nobody gets it right 100% of the time. But if you’re not even striving to get there, you’re in the rat race.
At some point, you’re going to realize that you can’t take it forever. The mask will crack. And you, along with it.
If you can’t say “fuck you” (mine comes with added hatred – that I’m working through in therapy), at least learn to say “no”.
To what?
That’s for you to decide. But I know there’s something keeping you up at night. Some choices you made because you “had to”.
Because:
That’s what people do
That’s what works
That’s what’s expected of me
Getting to the FYP means you let go of that pressure. It ain’t easy, yes. But it has allowed me to start my days just the way I want. With a walk in the park. A coffee. A post I write just the way I want.
Not the way others want me to write it. Not according to what works in marketing. Not according to what the algorithm wants. It is liberating.
It has allowed me to name my newsletter according to an anatomical body part. And people still read it like crazy. And I get leads and work from it.
I apply it in all areas of my life. Personal and professional.
How to get to the FYP?
Listen, I’m not a guru. But I can say one thing:
If you’re willing to take the time and do some soul-searching, I guarantee you’ll find out where you need to be. You instinctively know what you want. From your life and from your business.
Because, if you’re not doing what you really want, according to your own values, are you really (a) free(lancer)?
Do you have a business? Or does the business have you?
I’d start by applying this philosophy: Hard Now vs Hard Later.
But, does it work?
Yes, beautifully. But it takes time.
This is the first time (I think) I mentioned the FYP in public. It was a post about what advice to give freelancers who are just starting out. I would say exactly the same to business owners:
Focus on that: you can’t be a doormat until you reach a certain figure. You’ll just be a doormat with money. Remember our Reputation discussion of episode 4?
But, we’re here for examples.
I’ll start with my own. I almost never cold pitch. Or pitch. All of the projects I now have are inbound. From other marketers/freelancers or from LinkedIn. The newsletter pulls its weight in consultation sessions, for which I also charge a pretty penny.
And if I do pitch, it’s always when I really think I can contribute to that project. I don’t go from internet door to internet door asking for money.
You know why?
Because then I’d be out of my FYP.
Sure, pitch ahead. But remember to do it from a position of power. You’re doing them a favor because you want to work with them. Not the other way around.
That will give you the power to walk away at the very first sign of trouble.
Chowder
The second example comes by way of a friend. Let’s call him… Chowder. He has his own agency and his problem was… compromise. He would always put the client first and himself last. Safe to say, that was bumming him out something fierce.
So… we talked about it. Naturally, I advised him to put the foot down.
After he did, he comes back with this:
Now, even if Chowder didn’t realize it, himself and his business actually were in the FYP position. Once he started dealing from it, he got the respect he was looking for.
And the money. If you go for that sort of thing. I know you do, you cheeky wanker ;P.
Client
And I can’t help but come back to the original FYP story of my own business.
DISCLAIMER: I wasn’t a badass from the beginning. I’ve been fucked over, lied to, manipulated. I let it happen, even as a freelancer.
But, after a specific point
that point being when I realized I was just acting like a glorified employee, not a full-rights strategic partner
I started having boundaries.
And when one of my would be clients challenged me, I pushed back. He wanted to change some stuff on my contract and I said no. Respectfully, if a bit tongue in cheek.
The other marketer, who brought me in on the project, cautioned me against angering my potential client. I told him that I want him to see I’m not a pushover.
The client explained that he’s scared of working with amateurs, and that’s why he was being a hard ass. I told him I got him, and that I just needed one chance to prove myself.
Fast-forward to 4 months later, he’s:
My best paying client
Happier with my work than he was when working with one of the biggest SEO and content agencies in RO
That might be due to the fact that I’m not an agency. I want to make 3-4 clients happy, not 20. I don’t spread myself too thin, and apart from writing I also offer one of the best customer experiences on the RO market.
Because I have the time and the money required to care.
Why do I have those?
Because I told a lot of the “wrong people” to fuck off. I even told some good people to fuck off. And they appreciated me more for it.
Dr. Seuss says: “those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind”
Pay the man/woman/business
On my travels, I came upon another type of issue: people being afraid to ask for money.
Well, that’s bullshit. Decide what you’re worth and go for it. Or others will.
This part is mostly for freelance writers, but any business owner stands to benefit from this guy’s speech.
Here it is: Pay the Writer
(sa-i dea forward cineva și lu’ Doru Șupeală. Sper măcar că pe Loredana o plătește și nu e Duamna HR pe gratis)
What a DICK, right?
Well, this was one of the most appreciated responses to this video on Youtube:
“At a Writer's Conference (sometime in the 90"s), Harlan Ellison offered to send every person there a free copy of his iron-clad writing contract (worth thousands of dollars in legal work), just so that they could get paid for their writing. I was in the audience....All you had to do was give your address. So, I provided my address (on a self-addressed stamped envelope) and he sent it to me. And, I have always been compensated for all my writing for publication. (I'm afraid not to charge for my work...he'd probably haunt me from the grave.) Underneath it all, a very generous soul. (btw-Susan, his wife, told me that I was the only person who had put a stamp on the envelope....and he still sent the contract out to anyone who asked for it - even if he had to pay the postage....) I noticed that his contract had an address on it - so, I sent him a "thank-you" card, too. It was never returned, so I assume it reached him. Listening to just one of his suggestions will make a person a better writer.”
Now, say it with me, kids:
“Just because I want a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work, does not make me a dick.”
It makes you respect yourself and your work. It makes you have healthy boundaries.
And everybody who disagrees?
Fuck.
You.
Other people who are in their FYP
By now, you should have understood that being in the FYP means to respect yourself. To have a backbone and a moral code. And to not back down on those whenever the opportunity arises.
But, Vlad? You’re the only one saying it, why should I trust you?
Ha, ha. No.
Here are some additional resources from people who I believe are in their FYP. Yes, after you read all this, I’m recommending you read some more. These are my FYP people to follow:
Jay Acunzo
Resonance over reach. If there ever was a marketing Jesus, this is HIM. The guy has no (evil) marketing bone in him, and he smokes the competition.
Ann Handley
In an era where other people gush over A.I, one writer talks about living in the moment and acting like a squirrel collecting nuts (that you later turn into content).
Louis Grenier
The guy teaches people how to stand the f*ck out. Do I really need to say more? He has a book coming up and yours truly was one of the beta-readers. I also called him a dick, and he absolutely agreed :)))
Flavia Barbat
If ever editorial marketing had a face, it would be this woman’s. OK, she might not appreciate all my jokes, but the sheer force of what she’s built can’t be dismissed.
Tom Grundy
The guy quit his workplace, became a writer and a coach, and then… He went back to his workplace. And now he loves it. I mean, if that’s not a transformation… I don’t know what is.
Britni from Alaska Salt Co.
The woman sells salt via e-mails where she talks about shaving her pubes. And I can’t fucking get enough of it. Again, do I really need to say more?
Would you like to one day feature on that list?
Or, better yet, on your own list of truly accomplished people?
MAKE THE FUCKING CHOICE.
Going forward
It’s the first time in 6 months when I have all the topics mapped out for the following 3 issues. Wild, I know. There’s a lot more writing in our future, and on episode 19 (we’re now on 16), you get to watch me deliver a MasterClass in Ghostwriting.
Thanks for that, Philip Charter (you’re in your FYP too)! A more community oriented individual I haven’t met in 30 years.
Now, if you loved this issue, you might be interested in:
Previously, on B00ls: Issue #15: Ask and Ye Shall Receive
Or don’t ask and get what I deem proper
Next time, join MadVlad as he takes on…
Issue #17: Writing Should Be Your Number #3 Skill
Read and find out which are the other two
You can get access to the full archive here if you missed any other issue.
In the meantime
If you liked my stuff, this is how we can work together:
I write for you. Check out the Experience section on my LinkedIn
I consult marketers and founders. I can show you how to get to your own FYP
I consult writers. I can show you how to find the confidence required to write from your FYP
Are you a writer/marketer/founder who wants to sleep better at night?
Reply to this e-mail if you’re interested in the above.
Know somebody who’d also like that? Share my newsletter and point them in my direction. I’ll give you a beer if you’re ever in Bucharest.
Offer 1 is detailed up on LinkedIn.
Offers 2 and 3 are detailed up on LinkedIn. But you can also find them here:
I’m still very open for consultancy services. Just reply to this e-mail if you’re interested.
Cheers
If this was the first, but also last time we meet: Thank you.
I write for myself, but you reading my writing gives it additional meaning. I literally could not resonate without you. Fuck you, kindly :*