Issue #21: There’s No Deadline Like the Self Deadline

The horrid case of issue 19 and my mental health

 – Good morning!

He wrote, knowing full well that 1. It’s 12:23 in the PM, so we can hardly call this a morning. And 2. Most of his readers would peruse this e-mail in the afternoon or early evening (because he takes his sweet ass time with writing these, doesn’t he?). But, for the select few who read this on a Sunday morning, avec un café and a croissant (did I get you, Beatrice?), his well-wishes would seem right at home. 

However, “Good morning” did not stand in the least for the time of day. It was, how can we put it best? The morning of the soul. Because, every day now, for the past week, he’d wake up to seeing this: 

Quite the change of pace, as compared to his days of waking up to unkempt fields and noisy construction sites. 

As such, by walking his dog every morning, so close to the mountains, his whole life would take on a whole new meani —

– Enough with the bloody story, will ya! They already know you can narrate up there with the best of them, so chill, son!

Oh, right… ha ha. Yes, back to a first person account. Sorry for that. My Jane Austenness got the better of me… what can one do? 

Anyway! If you missed my last issue, where I neatly explained why I moved house, (really, you should get up to speed with it, it’s pretty important for the overarching story beat) you might not know that my life took a turn. For the absolute best. I also got a dog. She forces me and my GF on long walks every morning, and we enjoy our coffee without looking at the time. 

I took a page out of Shân’s book here. But, in my last newsletter to you, I only talked about the material side of things (for I am a material boy). I slightly touched upon mental factors, but not so much. 

Today, I’m talking about it. Back in Bucharest, my mental health took a bit of a toll. My life seemed like it wasn’t really my own. 

Know what I mean? The clock and the deadlines (mostly self-imposed) had their run of the place, and I was simply the execution – human resource thrown in the meat grinder. 

And that is NOT why I became a freelancer. So I took matters into my own hands and changed that. 

But what led to this realization that something had to give? 

The horrid case of issue 19 

Issue 19, read it here, or better yet, watch it there ←, was one of those issues which are a couple of months in the making. I usually document a newsletter for a month, and then I write it in one day. 

Not for this one. I prepared the material for the MasterClass, I showed up and delivered it, and then… then I scheduled it and went on with my life. Only one little issue… My English is not perfect, and my Eastern European accent mucks about with my feeble attempts at RP (Received Pronunciation). So the result is aaaa... like one of those corny Russian villains in an American movie. Played by an English actor - think Gary Oldman. At least, that’s what I think my voice sounds like. 

And since I’m not proud of it, I feel the need to subtitle everything. 

-Maybe you should also buy a microphone. Then you’d actually be invited to podcasts, ya mook!

-Uh, yeah, Mad. I know. I know. Getting there. But I’m mostly a writer, not a talker. 

-Ex FUCKING cuses!

He’s right, though. 

Well, me lovelies, subtitling one hour of training is not an easy task, even with the help of tools. They get like 50% of the words wrong, and for my idiosyncrasies to shine, I have to go through the whole thing. 

MANUALLY. Line by fucking line. 

Sure, I do it for my audience, and for the prestige of a job well done, but it’s no picknick. 

As is the case with today’s newsletter (which should have come out on Friday, sorry folks, but mostly Evelyn and Flogerta) issue 19 took some time to prep. Apart from the subtitles, I had to write the damn episode. I could not just deliver a video with no context. As Tom Grundy would put it, not at Casa Iancu. 

(I’m just going wild with mentioning people… I know, I know.)

So, I’m in the trenches of preparing episode 19, and I get a lovely little…

PANIC ATTACK! 

And it went something like this:

(My best attempt at stream of consciousness)

Fuck… Friday’s out the window. I haven’t sent it. OK, get it together, it’s only Saturday. We can make it. They will notice, but they still read your stuff. You promised it will be biweekly, but you don’t say which day. Chill, now. It’s good. You take the day, play on your PS, and you’ll write it on Monday. MONDAY! You bloody joking? Monday! No, no, no, no. It has to be today. You can’t make it today, you’re tired and out of ideas. Look. Look. They know you’re only human, they will understa….

(all that happened in Romanian, but I wanted you all to revel in my mini mental breakdown – you’re welcome) 

Meanwhile, from the other side of the couch, my girlfriend notices the storm brewing under my eyebrows, and she asks what’s up. 

Big fucking mistake. 

The Biblical deluge follows, and I proceed to tell her I’m no good, nobody will work with me again, people will unsubscribe from this newsletter. You know, the works. 

“You know, you could just write about your inability to write. That would be a fun issue to –”

“NOOOOOOOOO. I can’t do that. I promised them episode 19, the video. They’ll think I’m a fraud.”

Anyway, I’m going to spare you the rest of that exchange (couldn’t spare her, but you know how it is, love – you’re a writer too!).

Bottom line: took a fucking break. Chilled. Postponed episode 19. Delivered it when I could. People loved it. It was one of the most appreciated issues. No harm, no foul.

But, it did give me a great idea. Writing about founder fears and…

Crippling questions of the business owner mind

I also asked my girlfriend: 

What’s your biggest fear as a business owner and a content creator to boot? 

“That they will forget about me if I don’t show up regularly”

Shiver me timbers, what she said went down my spine like an electrical eel had penetrated me. Prison style. 

I don’t know if you can smell what I’m cooking from way over there, but if you’re a creator, and you have a business, anonymity and a lack of relevance most likely keep you up at night. 

But it’s OK. Imposter syndrome happens to the best of us. Usually to the “us” who really care about their business and their craft. 

Idiots are full of certainties. They don’t worry about shit. Maybe that’s also why they are never humble. 

Anyway, you’re here because you want, nay, you need to know how I got out of that funk. And moving to another city with a dog in tow isn’t really on your to-do list. 

I got you fam!

If you have a business based on content marketing, and you work on brand, yada, yada, yada – the secret is not to create more. In the words of my own Marketing Jesus

Jay Acunzo 

You simply have to matter more. Because, when you matter more, you have to market less. When the work you create truly resonates, people will forgive you for skipping a day. Eli Neicuț took a couple of months off and when she got back everything was all good. 

I’m at that point. Even though I didn’t acknowledge it. I can take off from social media for a couple of weeks and when I get back my peeps are still there. I CAN send this newsletter on a random day of the week, and you’ll still read it because you know it’s good, and you like it. I haven’t gotten less than 51% open rate on this since May. 

Can you say the same? 

Meaning, if you stopped marketing yourself/your business now, would it affect you?

If it does affect you, then maybe:

• You’re on the right track, but early in your journey (it took me one year and a half).

• The work you’re creating doesn’t really reach people. And I don’t mean by way of distribution ;)

I can help with either of those problems, just hit me up. 

Otherwise

You’ll go crazy. I know I have. 

It’s gone a bit too far when I could not have a weekend to myself because I was obsessed with my own marketing process. 

The greatest decision I ever took?

NOT TODAY*

Why? Because it will be rushed, and I’d do it under the pressure to deliver. And desperation seeps into writing like sweat into my knickers after a long workout. 

For the longest time, I could not accept that I’m not special. That I’m just like anyone else. I need help, I need support, I need to chill. And that does not make me a failure. 

If anything, it makes me human. Which makes me resonate. And write better. 

*The NOT TODAY principle is also one of the reasons why I work with 4–5 clients at a time at most. I want to have ample leeway to deliver on my BEST work. And I never missed a deadline - except that time when my mother’s cat got sick with possible cat leukemia, and I had to procure illegal drugs from a trafficker to save his life. 

– Don’t be a narc, or I’ll gut you!

Why the pressure, though? 

A lesser marketer would have stopped a couple of rows above. I already agitated your pain points and I sold you a solution, right? 

Fuck that. This newsletter isn’t for those people. I want you to understand things, or at least see my side of the pond. 

You won’t like this one, precisely because it’s true. And it’s not just my experience, I checked with a couple of friends across the globe. They all came to more or less the same conclusion. 

My great-grandfather, tataia Vasile, God rest his soul, an electrician, built a house in the 1930s on his salary. He’d also take out my great-grandmother on weekly carriage trips. Not gypsy carriages either (despite my complexion - fuck you), but the swanky ones, in the middle of town. He wasn’t loaded by any means, but life was more than affordable for him. 

Then, my grandparents inherited the house. But, with their salaries, they could build one of their own at the time. Enter, my mother and father. Neither of them could build a house of their own, though they do have more than decent jobs. 

And now… down to me. I can just afford the rent in a cool flat. Buying a house means I have to marry the bank, and I have absolutely no intention of doing that. 

What does that tell you? Apart from the fact that our money’s value is shit nowadays? 

There’s a shit ton of expectations placed on us, expectations we simply can’t reach in the current economic climate. And it’s not even our fault. Society demands we live in a way that is simply no longer sustainable. 

You want a kid, Vlad? With both set of kidneys on ya? Good luck, mate!

You know what that huge amount of pressure does to a person? It keeps us in shit jobs, toxic relationships, and competitions with people we know nothing about. 

I, for one, am opting out. 

Comparison, the thief of joy

I told you that I’m going to the gym, right? Eh, I used to go with another guy, the overachiever type. First month in, he starts taking creatine and protein. Of course, his strength increases and he pulls double the weight. 

I’m jealous, so I go to my trainer. 

“Why do you compare yourself to him? You wanted to lose the gut and get fit. He wants to build muscle, and fast. Do you want to take protein and creatine?”

Lesson learned that day, folks. No. I’d rather grow at my own pace, without straining myself and my liver/kidneys. In personal life, and especially in professional life. 

I believe Eddie Whittingham puts it best:

As I tell all my freelance buddies: 

You’ll get there when you get there. 

As such, I’m mopping the floor with my previous issue

I’m destroying the previous issue about consistency because sometimes moderation is more important. Yes, you do have to show up for your business, but not if that means neglecting your health and personal priorities. Sure, once in a while you can burn the candle at both ends (as even moderation should be treated with moderation – a great, no pun intended, man taught me that) but don’t overdo it.

If, like me, you suffer from overachiever brain, and you get anxiety attacks for a task due Friday on a Monday, even though you always deliver on time…

Pull the brakes. 

Thank me later. 

MadVlad on the Timișoara case

OK, if you’re not Romanian, you will be excused for not knowing about the latest topic du jour in Romania. A young woman employed by a company in Timişoara killed herself. Now, I read very little about this case because: I really think it’s not that important. 

Don’t get me wrong. Whenever someone dies, it’s a tragedy. Yes, allegedly, she was already suffering from psychiatric problems and, allegedly, the company put pressure on her to the point of her deciding to take her own life. 

But that’s just speculation. After the inquiry is done, we most likely won’t even know the truth, since we can’t ask the dead woman. 

But my problem lies elsewhere. And yes, you might hate me for it, but we know each other for a while, you know I can take it. 

I’m not gonna play the blame game here, but I can tell who is not at fault, from my point of view. Not the company, not the state.

It’s… little old US. Not the United States of America. US as in we, the people. Our culture. 

Yes, I fully agree, we need to pressure the state and companies to treat employees fairly and stop bullying. We need to do that, stat. However, expecting that to actually CHANGE something is a pipe dream. A terrible case of not knowing how the world works. 

The only real change will come when WE AS PEOPLE change. When we grow a backbone and start telling any manager to simply back off when they cross a boundary. It’s not easy, and not everyone can do it, but I believe it’s the only way forward. 

As a society, and as a culture, we Romanians still glorify work. Money, achievements. Quitting a job is seen like the highest form of failure. If that woman killed herself because of the job, and it’s a BIG FUCKING IF, it was because she was raised in an environment where people told her that’s it OK to be bullied by your manager, and that you should take it. 

It’s the failure of a generation, the failure of a whole way of thinking, not the failure of a company. 

People drop dead left, right, and centre because of nerve racking in corporations. They get cancer in their 40s and 50s after a life of stress, and they don’t get coverage because it’s not as exceptional as a suicide. 

That’s my opinion. We are doing it to ourselves by accepting the status quo. Sure, the environment, the state, the companies are the trigger. But we’re the detonator. We allow, we enforce it, we make sure it happens, culturally. 

The change is not up to legislation alone. It’s up to us. 

And, sure enough, marketing buzzards circle this topic because it puts them in the spotlight (o șiupeală mică, Doru?). That’s why I don’t like initiatives like Hacking Work. It’s all marketing. We all laugh at the Scârbo$$ jokes. We all like the HR lady jokes. Ha ha. Mindless “ha ha” at that.

But Hacking Work was cool with unpaid labour. Hacking Work demanded unpaid labour from me, and probably countless other freelancers. And when I said “no”, they said they agree with me (funny, ha, ha) but they don’t like my attitude. 

A sort of “you’re right, this is the truth, but don’t speak the truth to us”.

So, white knight all you want, but, respectfully, you’re full of shit - Doru and team. 

Guest Posting

Mad’s done with his righteous ranting, so let’s end this on a positive note. I’ve had the pleasure to chat with the wonderful Evelyn Josza - Freelance Writer, Journalist, Editor - and she decided to come up with some morning affirmations for freelancers, based on my work. 

I reckon every business owner could benefit from these, so here goes: 

Morning affirmations for freelance writers

By sheer fucking luck, today I’m alive. 

I start my days the way I want—

with a coffee or a walk in the park.

I write the way I want—

not the way marketing gurus, 

or the algorithm wants it. 

I let go of pressure.

I don’t go internet door to internet door asking for money. 

I pitch when a project is right for me.

I instinctively know what I want from my life and my business. 

I know my values.

I get leads and work from my writing.

I am where I need to be. 

I put myself first. 

I am not a pushover.

I live my life like I respect myself.

I say fuck you easily.

I am at my Fuck You Point.

I work to live. I don’t live to work.

I am (a) free(lancer).

Going forward

Boom Shaka Laka! Another 3000 worder in the bag. See you next time. These past two issue have veered into influencer territory, but we’re getting back to basics next time. 

Now, if you loved this issue, you might be interested in:

Previously, on B00ls: Issue #20: There’s too much YOU in your business

How to break the employee mindset and scale by simplifying

Next time, join MadVlad as he takes on…

Issue #22: What Came First: The Niche or the Service/Product/Business?

Fucking start with a good reason

You can get access to the full archive here if you missed any other issue. 

In the meantime

If you liked my stuff, this is how we can work together: 

1. I write for you, so you have no care in the world about deadlines. Check out the Experience section on my LinkedIn.

2. I consult marketers and founders. I can show you how to drop the self-deadline and enjoy this journey. 

3. I consult writers. I can show you how to write when and how you want and still resonate up a storm. 

Are you a writer/marketer/founder who wants to ditch the self deadline? 

Know somebody who’d also like that? Share my newsletter and point them in my direction. I’ll give you a beer/coffee (gotta keep that gut slim, na?) if you’re ever in Brașov. 

Offer 1 is detailed up on LinkedIn.

Offers 2 and 3 are detailed up on LinkedIn. But you can also find them here: 

I’m still very open for consultancy services. Just reply to this e-mail if you’re interested. 

Cheers

If this was the first, but also last time we meet: Thank you. 

I write for myself, but you reading my writing gives it additional meaning. I literally could not resonate without you.

P.S. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, ditch the fucking trauma and start putting yourself first. Yes, even if that means telling some people to fuck off.